North Lake News and Views

And we call it progress….
Trembling fingers fumbled to punch 911 on his blackberry. Rings on the other end; following takes place:
For service in English, press 1; for service in French, press 2; for service in all other languages, press 3
1 is pressed
If you are calling for emergency medical service, press 1; if you are calling for police intervention, press 2; if you are calling for fire emergency, press 3; if you are calling for other reasons, hang up now.
3 is pressed.
For service in English, press 1; for service in French, press 2; for service in all other languages, press 3
1 is pressed.
We’re sorry, all our representatives are busy with other clients at the moment. Please remain on the line and the first available representative will be with you shortly. Your call is important to us.

We’re sorry, all our representatives are busy with other clients at the moment. Please remain on the line and the first available representative will be with you shortly. Your call is important to us.
“He-row. My name is Charlie. How may I help you?”
“My house is on fire. I need the fire department.”
“Hokay. Where are you?”
“Standing in my driveway watching my house burn.”
“No, no. I mean, where you live?”
“Oh. 123 Drury Lane”
“Yes, yes. What city/town/village”?
“Uh, Byetown.”
“Hokay. What country?”
“What the hell do you mean, what country? Canada, of course. Where are you?
“Ah, I am in Taiwan. What province you live in?”
“TAIWAN!!??”
“Oh, you have province called Taiwan?
“NO! I live in New Brunswick.
“You have postal code…yes?
“Yes. H0H 0H0
“Ho, ho, ho; that a good one. Hokay, please. How old you?
“37….what the held has that got to do with the fire department? Send them now.”
“Ah so, impossible at moment. You will be placed in queue for the next available fire truck. Mebee today, mebee tomorrow.”
“What?? Why is it impossible?”
Ah, terrible accident. Garbage truck upset on Main street. Spread garbage all over. Firemen must clean street, sort garbage for recycle, then wash down street. It very dirty.”
“OH MY GAWD! Is there no help for this widow’s son?”
“Oh I sorry to hear father is deceased…”
The caller hung up and watched in despair as the flaming roof and walls collapsed into the basement. At that moment, a police car stopped at the end of the driveway. An officer stepped out.
“I say, sir, do you have a permit for an open fire?”
A short time later, the caller was led into the psychiatric wing of the hospital two burly para-medics on either side holding his arms that crossed in front of him in the long sleeves of a strait jacket. His manical laughter could be heard for blocks. “Gawd, I love progress” he screamed over and over and over…..

This entry was posted on Monday, February 22nd, 2010 at 1:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.